Duo Goes Distinguished
by ShaPip
Summary: After a freak accident, Duo Maxwell falls ill of becoming distinguished! Can Quatre handle this new change? (Third in the wonderful series that began with Heero goes Hyper! Co-written by our guest star Cha, or HappyKatcha)


Disclaimer: This is the disclaimer. Fear the awsome power of our not owning anything. Scary in'it?  
  
Duo Gets Distinguished  
  
It is a gloomy, dreary Saturday afternoon in the Gundam apartment, and we see Duo, watching cartoons. Quatre dusted around him, looking slightly upset. Trowa, Heero and Wufei had dissapeared, not that we really want to know. Quatre looked at Duo with disgust.   
  
"Will you look at this mess you've made?" he reprimanded, pointing to empty chip bags and candy wrappers.  
  
Duo simply shrugged "Eh."  
  
Quatre gave him a stern glare.  
  
"You need to learn to pick up after yourself! Not to mention behave like a real human!"  
  
Duo gave him a funny look.  
  
"Quatre...."  
  
"Yes?" the angry blonde asked, arms crossed.  
  
"You're in the way of the tv, man." Duo stated blankly.  
  
Quatre humphed and stormed off, ready to dust and clean other parts of the messy apartment in his distress. Duo shrugged, duly forgetting their tiny conversation and returning to the beloeved cartoons. The light beside him glinted and flashed a bit, though Duo paid no mind. Yet when it flashed for a second and third, then fourth time, he became frustrated.  
  
"Stupid light." He grumbled, reaching up to turn the thing off. Just as his delicate fingers touched the light switch, a terrible sound sounded from outside, as the power turned off in a bright flash.  
  
When it came back on not 30 seconds later, Duo was on the chip-ridden floor, a black set of fingers and hair sticking up in places on the back of his head. He lay there, seemingly dead, until a slight twitch came from his eye gave his lifeness up. Duo's violet eyes cracked open with a little grunt from his chapped lips. He glanced around, blinking several times.  
  
"What the..." Yet, like usual, he didn't even say his favourite word Hell. "What the heck just happened? Golly..."  
  
Quatre sighed, not seeming to notice Duo's lack of profanity.  
  
"The electricity must have shorted, you're lucky to be alive, I suppose." He mumbled rather unhappily.  
  
Duo looked around and picked himself up, dusting his stained clothes off.  
  
"This place is a sty! Look at it! And is that cheese MOLDING?!" he cried in horror, pointing to a mysterious lump on the side table.  
  
"Duo?" Quatre asked quietly, "Are you alright? You must have gotten a nastier shock than I thought."  
  
"No, no Quatre old chap, I feel quite splendid in fact. But I do say, Why am I clothed in such rags not fit to clean a pigs pen with? Would you perhaps have anything a bit more fitting?"  
  
Quatre stared at the braided man, mouth slightly ajar. This wasn't Duo. He reached out and poked him in the chest simply to reassure himself he was real.  
  
"I...I'm sure I do..." Quatre said slowly, eyeing Duo over. Something was wrong with the lad, that was sure. Since when did Duo actually know words like "chap" and "splendid".   
  
"Well, then, shall we take a short stroll to your closet? I'm sure you and I could wear the same clothes, am I correct? And perhaps you have a pocket watch I could borrow, good friend." Duo asked. "Men should accessorize also, don't you think so?"  
  
"Uh... yeah..." Quatre blinked once more, thoroughly frightened by his demeanor. Slowly, he turned around and took small, slow steps towards his bedroom, still trying to figure out this phenomenon. Duo was very unusual today, or right now, after the short power outtage.  
  
Duo walked behind him, not in his normal hunched over way, but back straight and shoulders high and back. His chin was up and his hands swayed only a bit. His eyes watched Quatre, like he was analyzing the poor fellow. Gladly, Quatre had his back to the braided man. He was just getting weird.  
  
"Here we are, Duo." Quatre opened his closet, revealing lines and shelves of clothing ranging from casual to formal, any colour of the rainbow and beyond. Duo gave it a quick once over with his analytical eyes.  
  
"It's Mr. Maxwell, if you please, kind sir." Duo said in a near fake British accent.  
  
"Oh, uh, sorry, Mr. Maxwell." Yes, something was wrong.  
  
"That's quite alright there, laddie buck. Now, I say. Why don't you skitter out and make us some tea whilst I re-dress, shall you?" Duo smiled imperiously, gently shoving a baffled Quatre out the door into the musty hallway.  
  
Quatre, taken aback by Duo's actions gave up with a shrug and went to go boil some tea. Perhaps it wasn't so bad to have a fellow sophisticated gentlemen around. When Duo emerged, he was dressed in Quatre's finest Italian suit, his hair shorn short, a monocle perched in his left eye and a pipe between his lips as he swung a cane casually, stopping just inside the kitchen.  
  
"This is so quaint. Why not set it up on the veranda, hmn?" He said, taking a puff of his pipe, sending smoke into Quatre's face.  
  
Quatre coughed at the smoke, nearly gagging at the sight of the once braided man with nearly no locks.  
  
"I'm sorry, Mr. Maxwell, We don't have a..Veranda here." Quatre said, setting the tea on the table.  
  
"What?!" Duo cried, inflating pompously. "What sort of summer house has such filthy quarters, a disobedient servant and no veranda?!"  
  
Quatre stared, unsure of what to do. Here was the normal slob Duo dressed up in his most expensive suit, smoking a pipe, hair short and wearing a damned monocle that he didn't even know he had! Here was the normal slob Duo demanding they eat on a veranda they don't have, that they have filthy quarters (which he had caused), and now calling Quatre his disobedient servant? What ever had gotten into Duo had to stop now.  
  
"Duo?"  
  
"Mr. Maxwell!"  
  
"Uh... Mr. Maxwell, whatever happened to you is really frightening me now. You cut your braid off, and that just says enough." Quatre told him. Duo lowered his monocle and narrowed his eyes.  
  
"How dare you reprimand me!" Duo exclaimed. "Here I am, treating you with the utmost care and consideration and you dare defy me? You yell at me, telling me my hair is ugly?!"  
  
"I never said--"  
  
"You clearly said that, amongst other things." Duo glared at the poor, confused blond man in front of him. "Fine, you're fired, I'll hire an obedient servant. Out with you." He pointed to the door. Quatre blinked.  
  
"I live here." Duo narrowed his eyes more, shaking his finger. "And I own the suit you're wearing."  
  
Du-- Mr. Maxwell, really, had had enough of this disobedience. Quatre, on the other hand, was rather frightened and would have left then if he feared the house would turn into a tea room.  
  
Duo picked up the telephone, after of course grabbing a paper towel, dialing furiously. Unfortunately the phonelines were still down. As he ranted to the inanimate object, Quatre's saviours walked in through the front door, dripping wet and smelling rather pungent. Wufei shook his umbrella out with a glare towards the kitchen where he could hear Duo ranting.  
  
"What is that baka raging about now?" he scoffed, unbuttoning his coat. "He has no right to complain. He did not just walk five blocks with a useless umbrella because someone decided they would make lovely fake spiders out of the fabric!"  
  
Heero gave a grunt with a hint of a smile. Trowa looked to where Quatre was standing, the still-terrified look on his face a good tell-tale sign.  
  
"He didn't consume anything unusual, did he Quatre?" Trowa asked quietly, stowing away his own umbrella, equally useless as Duo had previously used it for fake bats.  
  
Quatre shook his head. "No, but while you were gone, there was a power outtage. He got shocked and now he's acting funny."  
  
"I always thought shock-therapy would have done him good!" Wufei proclaimed, shaking a fist. "But do they listen to me? Nataku they don't!" Continuing his own disgruntled mumbling, the China-man stalked down the hallway, needing to re-apply ultra-sheen grease to his hair.  
  
Quatre was surprised that none of them noticed how Duo was dressed, or his new hairstyle. Only until Heero walked by and caught a whiff of strong cologne and pipe did he notice.  
  
"What the hell happened to you?" He asked in his ultra-monotone voice that always sounded mad. Duo hung up the phone and gave Heero a haughty look.  
  
"Do not use such foul language around your betters, young lad." He turned up his nose. "And nothing has happened to I. It must be you who is mistaken and smell as foul as this rat." He motioned to Quatre.   
  
Quatre blushed, and sighed sadly. Heero blinked.  
  
"What's this for?" He reached for his monocle. Duo yelped and swatted at his hand.  
  
"I'm in a house full of bloody hooligans!" He scurried to a far wall, pressing against it. "May God save you all!"  
  
Meanwhile, Trowa watched this all calmly, calculating. As Captain Obvious, he noticed the fine details. Quatre mentioned that Duo had been electrocuted, so that probably caused the change. How and why he suddenly became so distinguished, that was yet to be found out. He was still deciding which Duo was better, the slob or the snob?  
  
"I'll call my lawyer, I swear I will! The whole lot of you will be in for it! For kidnapping me, you bloody retched fools!" Duo screamed in his fake accent. Heero sighed and went to his room. Quatre wanted desperately to cling to Heero, he was his safegaurd, but he was gone too fast. Now it was Duo, Trowa and him.  
  
"What do we do?" He whispered to Trowa, eyeing the paranoid Duo. Trowa shrugged and watched the Distinguished Man freak out. Trowa looked to Heero who had now returned, toting an ultra-powerful taser gun.  
  
"My guess would be that." Trowa stated.  
  
Duo pointed at Heero menacingly with his cane as the other man got closer and closer. "I say, you'll not come near me with that thing! Put it down this instant, or I'll call the bloody guards out on your mangy hide!"  
  
"Such language." Heero chuckled, turning his taser to "stun" and zapping Duo with it.  
  
Duo convulsed for a moment, the monocle popping from his eye. As he seemed to regain a sense of where he was, Duo stood up quickly, making as if to draw a gun of his own.   
  
"Where'll that Billy Bob Nasty be then George? As sherrif of this here town, I can't let that vermint go free!" he yelped in a strong southern accent, but luckily, this one sounded natural.  
  
Heero's eyes got rather wide, but highly amused, and he stunned Duo again. As quickly as he was zapped, he changed form again. His hand lifted up and shaded his eyes.  
  
"This here is lion country, so you better watch out." He had no accent, luckily, but he was slightly different. "Watch out! There's a big one!" He jumped on an imaginary person.  
  
Heero quickly zapped him before he got injured by the lion.  
  
Duo immediately gave Heero a sly smile and advanced on him. "Why hello there, sweetpea." This accent? A southern belle, who seemed to be attracted to Heero. As Duo came close, Heero zapped him once more.  
  
Duo glanced around, blinking a few times. "May Nataku damn you all, weak women! I have never seen such an idiotic bunch, worse than a Girl Scout group!"   
  
Zap.  
  
"Omae o korosu."  
  
Zap.  
  
"Heero! I'm right here, come and get me! Heero!!!"  
  
Double zap.  
  
"........"  
  
Zap.  
  
"Good bye friend Trowa, I know we'll meet again!"  
  
Zap.  
  
"Glory to all the colonies!"  
  
Triple zap.  
  
"These are the ideals of his Excellency..."  
  
Pause, then zap.  
  
"Look! we made it out alive again! And so did he!"  
  
Zap.  
  
"Woof!"  
  
Zap.  
  
"Hey! What the hell was that for huh?!" Finally, Duo was back to normal. Or as normal as Duo gets.   
  
Heero stashed his taser gun in his spandex, dusting off his hands. He turned around and walked back to his room, to type on his laptop, as was normal. Trowa and Quatre, who had not moved from their spots since the tasering began, approached Duo cautiously. Duo, the poor boy, rubbed the spot where Heero had kept zapping him.   
  
"Owie..." Duo sniffled, looking down at his clothes. "Hey, I look pretty snazzy!"  
  
Quatre smiled. "Good old Duo's back!"  
  
"Yeah, good old Duo..." Trowa mumbled.  
  
Duo smiled, noticing the cane and monocle still attached to his coat. It felt like Halloween, minus the candy and the pranks. Duo reached up and ran his hand through his hair. His hair?  
  
"MY HAIR!!!!"  
  
~ a Sha and Cha production. 


End file.
